may we together transform pain to joy

today is Friday, November 22, 2013

its been a while since my last post on Saturday, November 20, 2010

and today I was reminded again of the pain that ripples outward.

May I recommit myself to countering that pain. I know not precisely how I can do this but please know this – if those ripples reach you – you are not alone. Feel free to email me at TheBionicCow@gmail.com or JohnSandersJones@juno.com.

Mount Hope and healing

 it’s been a while since my last post  - several months – today I will share some thoughts on healing

when I first moved to California – in 1989 – I was in therapy for a while – perhaps 100 hours or so total. That helped a good deal and it was what very much what I needed at the time

more recently – so the last several years –
1) connecting with others who had been at Mt. Hope – words fail to express my gratitude to those who helped to open my eyes and my heart to what had taken place at Mt. Hope –

2) The Holy Eucharist – for the last few years I have spent most Thursday evenings – from 10:00 till 11:00 PM before the Holy Eucharist. On one of these Thursday’s – in the winter of 2009 – I was overwhelmed with doubt – massive doubt – unlike anything I have experienced. I know, to say one had doubt – a crisis in faith – while kneeling before the Holy Eucharist sounds sacrilegious. But there I was – feeling almost like I was being lifted up and thrown against the wall of the chapel.  What did I doubt most? I doubted that God would lift my pain from me in this lifetime. I did not doubt he could lift the pain –I simply doubted he would. So that evening what could I say except “God, I give you my doubt.”?
And I did

2a) roughly a year later – in the same chapel – again kneeling before the Eucharist – and I sense that God wants me to loving place all my pain on the Altar before him. Till now – while I would place my pain on his Altar almost weekly – I would do it in a way that would say “Take this God – I do not want it – I want to throw it far from me.” And yet I had never done so with a sense of love – rather I had always placed it there purely so he would take if from me. – that evening I listened to what I was hearing and said “God, I place my pain – my baggage – on your Altar – with love.” While I did not realize it at that moment – it was then that my pain dissipated greatly.



to “others who had been at Mt. Hope” and have shared with me their memories. I am forever grateful for that sharing. And I don’t see this blog as an effort to pay a debt owed for that sharing – but rather to share my own memories and healing (which continues) in hopes of multiplying that healing.

The Blindmen and the Elephant

The Blindmen and the Elephant

            When I read or hear about those who had been at the commune and even today do not seem willing to recognize the significant damage that resulted from Herbert’s actions I attempt to sort out “Why?”.  I recall an Indian parable which formed the basis for the American poet John Godfrey Saxe’s poem "The Blindmen and the Elephant".

            I think that those who continue to support Herbert Schwartz and his writings would benefit from allowing themselves to view him and his actions from another viewpoint or angle. I say this not for the purpose of claiming my view is the correct view but rather out of the recognition of how much I myself have benefited from allowing myself to hear and see other angles. I am extremely grateful and indebted to those who allowed for me access to their view. Without that access my singular viewpoint would continue to limit and restrict my perspective. Those viewpoints have included both those who had been at Mount Hope – as well as other voices I have uncovered in books (which touched on Herbert’s life before Mount Hope).

            There were a number of “things” lacking at the Mount Hope Foundation commune, including
1) the Sacrament of Penance (also referred to as Confession, Penance, or Reconciliation) – while not non-existent – this was “supplanted” by what was called “talking privately” with Herbert Schwartz. I cannot understate the harm done here.

2) “a proper discernment” – and for my thoughts I am not so much thinking of vocational discernment as much as recognizing right from wrong. There was far too much allowance for Herbert Schwartz to be the one who determined what was right and what was wrong. At 126 Tally Ho Road – there were a number of people – both Catholic clergy and laity - who were intelligent too a degree that should have provided them with the capacity to question much of what was taking place there. They failed to do so. This lack of discernment and allowing Herbert to determine right from wrong also resulted in great damage.

- the “Herbert says” mentality the was present at Mount Hope went from the innocuous to the bizarre -
I can recall when I was 5 or 6 or so – and our babysitter – when trying to get us to squeeze the very last toothpaste out of the toothpaste tube – telling us “because Herbert says that’s the way to do it”

*
later – perhaps 10 years old  – when eating dinner at the “kids table” and when you did not want to finish your meal. Rather then telling us of “starving people In India” the babysitter would tell us to “have three last bites” – and these were not for The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit – but rather for “Herbert – S – and D”. With “S” and “D” being the two people who were completed the "triumvirate" at Mount Hope.

*
still later – I am perhaps 17 years old and telling a friend, roughly the same age, that they should stop smoking (it has been found that they had a “hole in their lungs”). One of the medical Doctors overhears me and scolds me for saying this – telling me “Herbert said he can smoke” – I recall thinking “and exactly WHAT can Herbert do for his medical condition?".

- and I am aware that with each of the above recollections it was not as if Herbert had told those to say what they said –

may the hidden become unhidden

may the hidden become unhidden

and may my blogging on this topic have the primary purpose of
1) out of love – for Jesus, for those hurt by what took place at Mt. Hope,
2) NOT to win one side of an argument or debate

3) breaking down any myths that Herbert Thomas Schwartz was a Saint
and
4) reminding those of us who survived Mt. Hope that we are not alone and there is healing from the pain inflicted
5) to forgive

google or bing or yahoo on

"mount hope commune" or "mount hope" "cult"

and pieces of my childhood appear

I was born in 1961 – around 1965 most of my family moved to New York – to 126 Tally Road, Mount Hope. A commune was forming – with Herbert Thomas Schwartz as its leader. His name is mentioned in books about various people – such as Mortimer J. Adler and Herbert Ratner. Sometimes proceeded by the words “charismatic” or in connection with people who converted from Judaism to Catholicism.
………………………………………………………..

The Ingrafting: The Conversion Stories of Ten Hebrew-Catholics by Rhonda D. Chervin

The Glory of Thy People by Raphael Simon

Seeking a Center: My Life As a "Great Bookie" by Otto A. Bird

Perspectives on Musical Aesthetics by John Rahn

The Night Is Large: Collected Essays, 1938-1995 by Martin Gardner

………………………………………………………..

The Duty of Delight: The Diaries of Dorothy Day

"Dorothy Day" "herbert Schwartz" "Diaries"

http://ape-connections.org/About%20Dr%20Farians.htm

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A news article from the New York Times – September of 1964 – foreshadows some of what will follow

The headline reads

Communal 'Family' of 27 Faces Ouster

Followed by a article about

"A Roman Catholic lay communal group is facing eviction from it's 20-room house because of the village’s one-family zoning laws.”
the article continues
"The group of 27 persons from four families is led by Dr. Herbert T. Schwartz., who describes his society as "an experiment in religious living." Dr. Schwartz a doctor of philosophy, controls the group's pooled finances, directs his followers’ lives and assumes the responsibility of controlling the families 12 children.“

While my family was not one of those four – it was one of the first to join the others when property was found and purchased in Mt. Hope, NY. (about 75 miles north of New York City)

Obviously I was not reading the New York Times in September of 1964 – and being only three – it’s not likely the line about “and assumes the responsibility of controlling the families 12 children” would have jumped out at me. Reading the NYT column today I can almost hear the theme from the movie “Jaws”.

The physical abuse of children that had already taken place in Ridgewood was to become more common and brutal at Mt. Hope. All under the guise of “this is what God wants”.

To say that Herbert Thomas Schwartz had a sadistic side to him would to be kind to him (and cruel to those he abused). He had enough intelligence to be manipulative to such an extent that he was able to control not just “the families 12 children” but many other families and people as well – along with several Roman Catholic Priests and Nuns. The control was to gain a strong foothold through an unhealthy obedience

occasionally I will come across a blog posted by a fellow survivor of Mt. Hope – and their comments may include “I was at Mt. Hope for 7 years” or “I was at Mt. Hope 12 years”. And I think ‘how did I flub (I can think of a stronger word than “flub” but there is little need to include that word in this blog) up badly enough to have been there for 22?”.

When one is in elementary school and they speak of “brainwashing” in a communist country or elsewhere you tend to think this that almost like classes of some sort they can make you attend. The reality is “brainwashing” is 24/7/365. At Mt. Hope it was the continual misrepresentation of evil as good. Along with forever being instructed to “be obedient” and “offer this up to God”. We were told as children “You are not a victim. You can not be a victim – the only victim is Jesus.”

I am well aware the most of the currently accessible web posting speak in a positive manner about Herbert Thomas Schwartz -

google on "modern" "staretz" "Meditations"

google on "Herbert Schwartz" "converted to Catholicism"

I would hope that my blog page will not so much allow for a point-counter point view but rather to allow for the greater truth to be uncovered – and may there be healing in that uncovering. For myself – I continue on my journey - all I ask of God is that I do so “sans novacaine”

(to be continued – with (I hope) “The role of fear”

from a poem in 2004 to the start of a blog in 2010

Winter of 2004

Blessings

Blessings recognized are blessings multiplied.

Blessings acknowledged are blessings multiplied.

Blessings shared are blessings multiplied.


wish me success in my blogging journey